... and for someone that claims that it's something that my mom got me into and it's an effect of growing up in Southern California (as is tarot card and tea leaf reading - which I haven't been into since the 90's), it's a strange habit that I check the L.A. Times site every day.
Anyhow, lately, I've been really putting a lot of pressure on myself, and in turn, I've been freaking out a bit. Yes, it could be due to new job jitters and an extensive case of PMS, but I've been a bit more neurotic lately. You see, I've been doing pretty well so far in the month or so of starting the new gig, and seemingly out of nowhere, I've been getting some exposure that I wasn't expecting to get so quickly. My friends seem to say that it's a fantastic opportunity, that this is a good thing. But part of me is petrified.
So going back to why I started this post about horoscopes, there was an item in today's L.A. Times, and it offered this advice to a Capricorn that went through a similar path:
"While I believe I have developed a higher level of maturity this past year, my 20s have seemed like a roller-coaster ride. I often have trouble maintaining commitments (friendships, occupations, education, intimate relationships, etc.) because I get bored easily and want to try new things. I'm truly having fun with life, but I'm missing a sense of security in it."
This is the response, which seems to make sense:
What you're up against now, dear Cappy, is called "Dilettantism." Definition: One who pursues things superficially or for amusement only. Dabbler. Amateur. It's a symptom Capricorns often have, quite frankly, because they can. They're so capable in so many areas that it's easy to claim boredom -- everyone will believe them. To get out of this vicious state (it robs you of any real satisfaction), the remedy is to commit yourself to one goal and don't stop until you have it. For any reason. At all. Recognize that boredom is really your fear of failing, succeeding or changing -- and your unwillingness to try.
I'm really trying to create a healthy balance, meaningful, successful and steady without compromising a sense of personal growth, adventure and fun. I joke around that I'm having a sense of deja vu - flashbacks of how I felt when I first moved to the City over 13 years ago - a lot of excitement, anticipation and the overwhelming sense of purpose and opportunity abound. I've actually been waking up from dreams involving folks whom I was involved with in my 20s, which more than likely has nothing to do with how I felt/feel about the individuals themselves, but it's been a common occurrence this summer [the dreams]. And they are dreams, not nightmares. I'm just hoping that now that I'm a little older and seasoned, that I don't end up making the same mistakes because if I did, the consequences would seem to be much more severe.