It isn’t necessary to imagine the world
ending in fire or ice—
there are two other possibilities:
one is paperwork,
and the other is nostalgia.
-Frank Zappa (1940–1993)

I don’t want to make money,
I just want to be wonderful.
- Marilyn Monroe (1926-1962)

How cruelly sweet are the echoes that start
When memory plays an old tune on the heart!
- Eliza Cook (1817–1889)

A WORK IN PROGRESS...

When I first moved to New York over eleven years ago, I thought of life as an adventure where mistakes were allowable because even when we screwed things up, lessons were learned and we moved on. I still believe in that to a certain extent, but now that I'm in my 30's, my life has become more like a continuous "work in progress"~ not as adventurous and with a heckuva lot less chaos that, as a masochist of sorts, I have unnecessarily put upon myself. In retrospect, I've made a lot of mistakes and have repeated several -i.e., the whole stupid long-term non-committed relationship thing... associating myself with beaus way beyond the relationships' expiration dates, continuing to take jobs that were merely a means to a paycheck, and even with that paycheck always falling short financially, etc. What I've learned (and I'm still working on getting past it) is that I'm afraid of making commitments and having expectations put on me because I fear that I'll fail to deliver because somehow I feel inadequate, unprepared, and not ready to accept any of the consequences of my actions. I should know better, but this fear has paralyzed my personal and professional growth.

I guess that part of why this has been on my mind is because I just accepted a new job, leaving a company that I love but in a position that's left me professionally and mentally stagnant. With this new endeavor, I'm feeling a bit anxious, excited, but unsure. The main thing that keeps me going is this inner compass that's guiding me to try to make life simpler and more fulfilling. I love the area where my new company is located -- downtown in Union Square. When I worked for an antiques gallery as a manager, despite the fact that my pay was low, I felt vibrant and took ownership of what I did (mostly publicity, marketing, and advertising projects). It was fun. I'm hoping that those feelings, if not more, will be incorporated with this upcoming venture. More important, I hope to discover some talent or path that will propel this "work in progress" to a level where I can peel off this mask of insecurity and uncertainty, so that perhaps I will FINALLY be able to fully commit to something, to someone, and most of all, to myself.

(If the tone seems serious, aside from the new job, my friend's mom died unexpectedly this week and today was the funeral. It reminded me of my mom, my grandmother, Inay, who passed away several years ago, and it made me think of how I've been living my life vs. how I want my life to be.)

Life really is too short, and I need to get a move on...

they call me trizzy, trizz, tro, trizzno...

A BLOG TO CALL MY VERY OWN...

my friend, teeth, showed me his blog and encouraged me to get my own. so far, i've only posted some of my favorite pics over the years... it's a start! i'm not particularly good at taking the time to write an entry in any kind of diary or journal, much less a blog, but what the heck... what the fondue!?

trizzy & sumo 

ladies who brunch 

studio 54, baby! 

another late night... 

um.... yeah, they're mine

mamma italia ~ visiting cinder in colorado 

one summer long ago... with my friend the illustrious echang

rock center ladies reunite! 

when i drink, my eyes get tiny... like here at my friend, fido's bday...

self-portrait on 5th av... 

cindy, sumo, and yours truly... 

big v & me...

dinner with friends 

not very many people can say that they've lived with a princess...

drinking with chef t and sumo

my pal, teef...

with cio, one of my oldest friends (since the 7th grade!)

with my Jersey girls (love ya, chett!)