Been thinking about a deal that I made with myself in regards to me and New York (as if the city were a person -- sheesh, now that's really a la Carrie/SATC). A lot of people set goals for themselves by the time that they reach a certain age.... "By the time, I'm 25, 30, 40.... I hope to.... (fill in the blank). " For me, that age is 32. Well, I'm 32 now and have 4 more months till it's time for me to make some big decisions about my life.
My feelings toward where I'm at in life right now are a bit ambivalent. I don't live my life rapt with regret or despair, but I am feeling a strong need for definition of who I am and where I want to be, and I need to be true to myself instead of meandering in denial. I'm very fortunate to have lived the life that I've lived, and there are few experiences and decisions that I regret. I must admit that I feel a bit detached here in New York. It's probably self-imposed (and heck, that's what happens when one becomes overly self-involved or indulgent).
Me not being a social hermit, I've found that when I hang out with friends - people I've known for years - I'm not enjoying it as much as I'd think I would. Hoping that I'm going through a phase. I don't know what the right "next steps" should be, but I'm trying to figure it out.
Work-wise, things are good - headed in the right direction, I think. Personally, I've encountered some new folks and developing interests, but I still feel somewhat lacking. I wonder if I'm merely putting off the inevitable...
Some positive things on the horizon... After busting my ass the past few months, I'll get a bit of a reprieve this week at work. My boss is in Asia all week, and fingers are crossed that I can relax and re-focus. I have a 4-day work week ahead. Friday, I get to be treated to a spa day over at Bliss (courtesy of the job), Saturday's K's bridal shower, then I'm off to Cali to hang out at home with life-long friends and maybe check out my parents' new retirement home during a side-trip to Vegas. The following weekend should be fun as New York blends in with Cali as me, Su, Sach, and James join Taylor in celebrating his wedding -- envisioning Bollywood/old school Hollywood at The Roosevelt.
Looking forward to this end of summer (and hopefully relief from this sweltering heat!)... Oh and... maybe, just maybe.... I'll be able to ..... focus, focus, focus... on real priorities.